Susan E. Kamman & Associates
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Things married couples do that ruin their relationships

Divorce doesn't always happen because of infidelity or something else that is dramatic and obvious. Many times, people see their relationships deteriorate for much "smaller" issues. These things add up over time. They can be just as destructive as some of the bigger issues that people often associate with divorce.

If you feel like your marriage is coming to an end, maybe it is because you or your spouse have done some of the following. These are a few of the main things people do that ruin their relationships:

  • They do not communicate well or they don't understand the differences in communication styles. For instance, many women focus on sharing information; they just want a connection with the person they're talking to. Many men, on the other hand, want to find a solution to a problem. When people do not understand their spouse's goals, they don't feel like they know how to talk to one another.
  • One person asks the other to give up the things that they love for the marriage. Everyone has passions in life. You may love things that are very different from what your spouse enjoys. That's fine, but asking someone to abandon those passions just to stay married is a surefire way to make them resent the marriage.
  • One person tells the other to pick them over other important people in their lives. This could mean spending less time with friends or choosing a spouse over a family member. While the spousal relationship is certainly different and important, the goal should not be to replace these other relationships, but to add to them.
  • They expect the other person to change after marriage. Some people say that their immature significant other is going to grow up after they get married, for instance. This is a risky position to take. People often do not change. People should not get married when they just want to change the other person into someone new after they tie the knot.
  • One person forces the other to be more like them. It's good to share interests and activities, but it's unrealistic to think that your spouse is going to give up what they like and suddenly become interested in everything you like. If you think you can force them to do it, that mindset will cause issues in the marriage.

These are just a few examples of the mistakes people make, but they should help to show you how even small, mundane conflicts can begin to tear a marriage apart. If this happens to you and you find yourself on the brink of divorce, make sure you know all of the legal steps you need to take.

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