You always felt like your boyfriend was a bit immature when you dated in college, but you didn’t let it bother you. You were young and you had fun together. You figured he would grow up eventually.
Even before you graduated, that relationship took a serious turn when he proposed. You were still enjoying the relationship, so you said yes. You got married, finished your last year of college and moved forward with your life together.
That’s when you began to get nervous. Your husband did not change. He did not get more mature. He still acted like the person he was in college.
It wasn’t always fun anymore. You were growing up and taking adulthood in stride, but you felt like you were doing it alone. Some of the signs that you saw with his immature behavior included:
- He would often escalate emotional situations, allowing them to impact his behavior, rather than trying to calmly work through any disagreements.
- He would call you names and yell insults whenever you got into a disagreement. You know there was no way you could have a civil conversation about something when you didn’t already see eye-to-eye.
- He would always blame you for any of the troubles the two of you encountered, no matter whose fault they really were.
- Repeatedly, you caught him lying to you and making up stories, often to attempt to get away with things you did not approve of — such as spending money you needed for rent on things he wanted to buy.
- He did not have any impulse control. He acted out the way that he felt without thinking about the long-term ramifications.
- He still wanted to live like you were in college. It was a lifestyle that you found fun and engaging at 19 years old, but it was much different now that you had a career.
- He tried to bully you to get his way, rather than taking your feelings into account. You never felt like he cared what you wanted.
- He always wanted to be the center of attention, and you even thought he was turning into a narcissist. Everything was about him, all the time, rather than about the two of you as a couple.
These are a few examples of immature adult behavior from leading psychiatrists. Maybe you did not see them all in your husband, but you can imagine how difficult it would be to live with even a few.
If you have come to a point where you think it is time to end the marriage, it is crucial for you to know about all of the options you have and the legal steps you need to take in Illinois.