Divorce doesn’t always happen because of something dramatic and unexpected. You don’t leave your partner because you walk in on them with someone else. You don’t suffer from physical abuse. You don’t find yourself married to someone with a serious addiction problem that sends the family into bankruptcy.
These cases do happen, of course. But many marital issues are far more “minor” and more difficult to observe. They’re not obvious, they’re not dramatic and you may not even realize that they can end your marriage. But they can.
One of the biggest reasons is a simple lack of communication.
Ideally, you should not marry someone until you feel comfortable talking about anything with them. If you still have topics that feel like they are off-limits, that’s a red flag. You may not be as close as you think.
You may also be leaving the door open to problems down the line. A lack of communication can quietly snowball until it is enough for you to walk away from the marriage.
“Communication about money can be difficult for couples,” said one author and relationship specialist.
“Money and sex are two of the most uncomfortable topics for couples to discuss openly. For a variety of reasons partners may feel like it is taboo to talk about money. According to the relationship specialist, they feel that it “invades their privacy, they feel embarrassed, they feel out of control, they don’t feel educated enough, or they don’t think there is a reason to talk about it.
However, just like talking about your sexual health and history is critical for each partner, so is talking about your financial health and history. Without these conversations, assumptions are made, damaging secrets can be kept, and the freedom of being known and accepted is impossible to achieve.”
These topics make you feel vulnerable. Maybe they’re things you have never discussed with anyone. But they form the basis of this new marital relationship. You cannot overlook that.
One thing to consider is that you may have deeper issues that make it impossible for you to talk about these things. Those issues could doom the relationship.
For instance, if you do not like to talk about financial issues because it invades your privacy and makes you feel out of control, why is that a problem? Do you not trust this person enough to allow them access to private information? Do you worry about losing control because they are too controlling already and it is a toxic relationship?
Once you start asking these types of questions, you may find out that you and your spouse just are not right for each other after all. Maybe you never had to address these issues until you got married, but that does not mean they did not exist before. The marriage just put you in a new situation where they took on a new importance.
If you do wind up heading for a divorce, regardless of the reason, make sure you understand all of the legal steps you need to take.