Susan E. Kamman & Associates
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Nobody said that divorce would be easy: Here's how to cope

Nobody promised that divorce will be a happy experience. Although numerous couples are publicising their divorces as celebrations with "divorce parties" the reality of divorce in the vast majority of cases is that it's not easy; it doesn't feel good; and it's not a "party."

Getting a divorce could reflect the loss of a dream, it involves the painful task of "getting real," and the financial, legal, parenting and emotional aspects of divorce can be overwhelming.

Why do couples divorce and why is it so painful?

Spouses may divorce because of financial upheaval, substance abuse, infidelity or developing different visions for their lives. At a certain point, no matter the circumstance, the marriage will no longer serve what at least one of the partners feels will make him or her the happiest. Invariably, couples divorce because one, the other or both feel that they will be bettered by ending the partnership. Nevertheless the separation will doubtlessly be difficult for both parties.

Is there a way to stay positive in your divorce?

Although divorce is difficult, spouses should keep their eye on the net psychological benefit of the process. For example, your divorce is liberating you to establish a better relationship with yourself, with your own needs and it could help you toward a truer expression of love at a later time. Is there a net benefit that you hope your divorce will lead to?

Professional counseling can help

Spouses who go to a counselor, therapist or psychologist can benefit from an easier divorce. These individuals will have a sounding board to air their emotional difficulties, they'll be better capable of taking personal responsibility for their relationship and this -- in turn -- can help during settlement negotiation and mediation proceedings related to the divorce. Indeed, the benefit of going to a counselor during your divorce cannot be underestimated.

Staying diplomatic is key

Every good diplomat knows that it's in the best interest of his or her agenda to stay conscientious of the needs, wants and fears of the party on the other side of the negotiation table. The same is true for divorce. Yes, spouses should defend their legal rights in court if necessary, but they should only do this after their diplomatic overtures toward peaceful reconciliation have failed.

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